As a pediatric nurse I often observe families struggle to maintain their family relationships when one of the children has been diagnosed and treated for a terminal illness. Here are five tips I have found to be helpful to families going through this nightmare.

1. Be honest, keeping in mind the age of the healthy children. A very young child will seek information but a simple, yet honest answer will do. Older children need more concrete answers along with the honesty. Although some children ask more than a parent may be ready to explain,be prepared. Keep in mind that the older the child, the more experienced he or she will be at gaining outside information. Their peers, the Internet, books, and other well meaning friends will be a source of easy but not always true information. It is important that your child can trust that you are giving them the facts.

2. Include the siblings when a change in status occurs. Again, remember age appropriate inclusion. It may not be appropriate for young children to visit an intensive care unit for instance, or to be told of every test being done. Yet older children may need to come visit to see for themselves just what is going on. They will welcome being included when their brother or sister is undergoing something painful or scary. Keep in mind it is also not appropriate for a sibling to hear scary news from outside sources regarding their sibling. It comes better from a parent.

3. Avoid promises that you may not be able to keep. If you promise a cure and the sibling gets sicker, you have broken a trust and it maybe difficult to regain. Instead, offer hope at a cure for example, but be honest about other possibilities that you cannot control.

4. Keep true to your family values. Include your religious and spiritual practices throughout the illness and treatment. This teaches the other children the importance of your family values. It gives them something to believe in when you are not there. If you pray daily, encourage the siblings at home to pray together even if your are not available.

5. Plan special time alone with each of the other healthy children. Sometimes it’s almost impossible to carve out time for the children at home when you have one ill in the hospital. Fifteen minutes in the hospital cafeteria may be the extent of the time you can find, but I encourage you to make the effort. The healthy children at home need to feel that they are thought of, missed and still loved. and I know from experience, you as the parent of a sick child need a short break. A simple good morning or bedtime phone call adds to the feeling of belonging and being important. These short visits and conversations keep you all connected and refreshed.

These tips, by far, are not the only things you can do to help your children deal with the terminal illness of their sibling but it is a start. Feel free to ask for assistance from the hospital chaplain or social worker too. They can offer valuable resources to families facing this situation. Remember, whatever you are dealing with, your children at home are also dealing with. It is important to stay connected.

Terri Forehand terri.forehand@gmail.com http://heartfeltwords4kids.blogspot.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Terri_Forehand

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 12th, 2008 at 11:06 am and is filed under Critical Care. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.